The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
