babies were throwing up all over the place
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
