Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
