I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
