You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
