You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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