thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
