you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
