Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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