Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
