either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
