Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
