Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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