you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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