Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
