So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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