So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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