why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
