bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
