when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
