the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
