He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
