he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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