How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
