She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
