i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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