A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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