I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think my fart just growled at me.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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