I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
