He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
