Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
