Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
