Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How external is "for external use only"?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
