Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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