I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
