considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
