y did u give ur computer a hand job?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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