Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
