I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
