At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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