It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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