forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
