you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
