I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
