i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize