Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
