Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
