So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
50% drunk capacity currently
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
