So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
