My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
