Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
