3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
