I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
