oh god the rape fog is back!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
